“You haven’t posted a lot lately, are you ok?” A question I’ve gotten more than once in the last few days. Truth be told I was not ok, I was not happy and at the time I was getting those questions I was crying. The past few months I’ve felt very defeated, depressed and just all around not enough. I saw a post from @amyschumer the other day about her struggles with fertility and IVF and I thought wow, women are all the same. We all struggle with something, no matter what we’ve achieved in our lives so far. Rich poor, young, old.
I think mainly the shock of having to get a new therapist after moving out of state and not having one yet really got to me. I loved my therapist. She kept me sane, so please don’t be shocked with the downward spiral I’m going to tell you about, lol.
I dealt with a chemical pregnancy during the holidays last month and it made my recent miscarriage and other family things that were going on that much harder.
I recently found out that apparently I struggle with ageism within myself. I’ve never been one to care how old I was. I’ve always cheered on older women whom have done things and achieved goals well into their 30s and above like you go girl. 80 yr olds running triathlons while I ate chips on the couch. 🛋 When people asked me how old I was I gladly told them because I know I don’t look my age. I’ve always hated it when I hear girls that are in their 20s talking about how “old” they’re getting because I’m like girl what?! 🥴 Please shut up with that. 🙄 But lately I’ve been in this race with myself to achieve every goal I’ve ever had because after this year according to my list of accomplishments I made when I was 18, I should own my house, a rental property, my blog should be poppin, I should have my nonprofit organization, my clothing line, my cars, 6 kids, be fit and fabulous, have traveled halfway around the world, be married and have 2 booming businesses all by 35. (Incase you were wondering I’m 34, lol) But only a small number of things on that list have been achieved. Honestly I’ve been patting myself on the back lately just for remembering to drink my water every day. 😑