A long long caption on the messiness of chronic illness is below, continued in the comments, and also screen shotted in the posted photos. ▫️
Last week, the family medicine department coordinator invited me to today’s faculty workshop on geriatrics and dementia in the primary care setting. The workshop was an intersection of all my professional interests (family medicine, primary care, geriatrics, dementia) and I was honored that I was invited to sit among a room full of doctors.
The pain hit when I parked my car next door to the medical school. It wasn’t my usual flash of stabbing nerve pain, or the constant nerve burning, or the normal throbbing, or the constant pressure. I can handle those “everyday” nonstop migraines just fine. This one was going to be a doozy. I took a muscle relaxer and gave myself a shot of Toradol (a super strong NSAID) and Imitrex (a migraine med) in the car before I even paid for parking.
There are scary stages in the pain rollercoaster that signal “you’re screwed.” Stillness, for example. During the early stages or moderate pain, people might sigh, moan, writhe, or squirm, trying to shake the pain out or find a comfortable position. You know you’re in deep when you can’t move. I sat in the back of the room with my sunglasses on, breathing as shallowly as possible to avoid any movement. Each heartbeat shot a searing lightning bolt from my neck, up my head, into my eye, and down my face. I did all my tricks to slow my heart rate down to avoid as many painful beats as possible.
The next “you’re screwed” signal is temperature fluctuations. You go from hot sweats to cold sweats, burning up to shaking chills, in a nonsensical and rhythmless fashion. ▫️
So there I was, in the back of the room, sitting behind faculty that I need to impress and want to learn from. Shaking as softly as I could, breathing as shallowly as I could, dreading every single heartbeat, pouring sweat in an air conditioned room. I pushed through almost three hours of lectures like this before I gave up and went home.
Continued in comments.
OH edit to add that my ablation side feels great so maybe once I get the left side done things will get better 🤷🏻♀️