➕Dear Diary. Is it really Over?
That’s right, chemo is done.
4 weeks earlier than expected and it’s weird to say that it’s finished for good and hopefully this is it with chemo forever🙏🏽.
I met with my oncologist this afternoon who told me that due to all the other health issues that’s starting to pop up, it’s fair to call it a day, after 5 cycles, 90% complete...I’m cool with that.
I really did want to go the distance, but literally, my heart needed a rest.
So now, I have 6 weeks of no treatment, heart meds to get the ol ticker back to a semi normal range starting tomorrow (for about a year) and then , the immune therapy will resume until around August 2020.
I cried so much today.
Sad tears in the morning because and happy tears later on. But as much as I am glad to see the back of chemo, it’s scary that another security blanket is being taken away. Mad.
I’m also writing this thinking about all my friends having chemo or who are on chemo with no end date. I don’t know how to celebrate this moment again guys?
For someone who has been told ‘you have cancer’ twice, it’s hard to really celebrate this ‘achievement’ , but...I have to.
I have to for me, my family , my friends who are here and my friends who are not.
I don’t even know if I want to ring the bell? Isn’t that strange. I couldn’t wait to do it before and was counting down the day, and now I’m not sure...?
Do I have some sort of survivors guilt?
Maybe. But we all have treatment to live another day.
To see another sunset and to breath in every hug we receive from our loved ones.
So as much as isn’t yet fully over... apparently chemo is.
Keep on keeping on. And rest in Power Eddie. I will never forget you .
Lots of love - Kaz x ➕